Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Being Broke Makes You Sleepy


You ever notice that? That being broke makes you dog tired? I've been researching this phenomenon for the past few months to figure out why this is. It is quite fascinating, actually.

When you don't have any money (cake, cheese, guap, moolah, bread, funds, cheddah, beaucoup bucks, dough,) you can't do s***. You can't go out to eat. You can't go shopping. You can't go to the movies. And if you do, before you even go to the place you're trying to go SPEND the money you don't have, you gotta put gas in your car. So you're stuck at the house. Stuck at the house thinking of all the stuff you can't do. Or thinking about when your next paycheck is gonna come in. And that's no fun. Nobody wants to do that. That's absolutely horrible. So what do you do? You sit down and watch a lil television. Sports Center. Oprah. Ellen. Judge Judy. Then, this is when the magic happens. After doing nothing physically straining at all, all of a sudden you feel tired. You feel like you've done a full days worth of work. And your eyes get tired. Your brain is tired about thinking about the money you don't have. So it needs a mini vacation. Just a quick reboot. And the nap is here before you know it.

Then you wake up from your nap confused and looking at the bottom of your glass to see who put something in it. But there's nothing in your glass. Just like there's nothing in your wallet. Which, is why you're tired.

That's it. I'm about to go take a quick lil power nap.

Friday, September 12, 2008

New Pic

Here's a couple still photos of my character from the new Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade! And dig this, I played the character of the bouncer who wouldn't let Fred and Barney into the club lol. Check back later to find out when my episode airs on sethcomedy.com

Peace
JL



Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Cavalcade!

Last night, I went to the premiere party for Seth MacFarlane's new Cavalcade show I was blessed enough to do some Voice Over work for the show (they actually drew the character to look like me...will add pic soon). The site launched today and they will be premiering new episodes weekly. Don't think my skit is up yet, but keep checking in. You can see them at http://www.sethcomedy.com/
But the party was good. They had press there and I was asked to do an interview. I was sippin and tippin a lil bit so we'll see how that came out lol. Blame the open bar! But all and all, it was a good night

And tomorrow, I'll be participating in the new 'Cleveland Show' table read with my boy Mike Henry (co-creator and executive producer) , Nia Long, Sanaa Lathan, and Kevin Michael Richardson.

The picture below is of myself and Andy Tauke, editor of the Cavalcade shows.


"I don't like it unless it's brand new"
-Kanye West

Friday, September 05, 2008

R.I.P to the CLUB


So...I've decided that I'm over the club scene. The scene I used to watch over and over every weekend has now gotten played out and I'm finally hanging up my traditional club clothes.


A buddy of mine just moved out to LA from the crib, and of course, he wanted to go out and kick it and I wasn't even remotely excited like I used to be. Now, me being here for a little bit, have gotten used to the bullshit that runs ramped out here. And it sucks major balls, but if you don't have some kind of hookup out here, you're not going to have a good time. But, I decided to take him out to this spot up the street anyway. And I had the worst time ever.

Listen, If you don't have a hookup or some cheese to drop on table service, your night is pretty much going to go as follows:
You and your boys start getting dressed. Ironing clothes, putting on cologne, shaving. Maybe have a pre drink at the crib and you hit the streets to pull some premium babes. You get to the club and drive right pass the valet, because no way you're paying $20 to valet your Kia. And you decide to park way down the street, double check the parking signs, and head towards the club. Now you might not know it, but this is about as much fun as you're going to have all night. Walking up to the club with your boys and your high aspirations and your jokes and your promising night...

Back to reality... you get to the club. See that there are two lines, but neither one of them are moving. Just a mob of scantily clad women texting and pulling each other to the front saying 'it's just us four girls'. Nevertheless, you pick a line, and go stand in it. Now you're in line, looking at all the women who don't even notice you and your raggedy friends, and you just can't WAIT to get inside. Meanwhile, people are flowing in right pass the velvet rope because they 'know' somebody. But still, you don't let this cramp your style. After an hour, you finally make your way to the front and the bouncer places his hand on your chest and demands to know what list you're on. You reply "umm, nobody's I guess. Me and my fellas just want to hang out..." He cuts you off without eye contact "Twenty bucks each". You look back at your compadres and give them a look of reassurance with undertones of 'don't worry guys. Just a minor setback. It's gonna be so much fun when we get inside! Trust me'. So you guys shell out $100 for you and your four friends to get inside. You get inside and now, it's on! You guys look around, let the beat fill your body, and your smile comes back to you.

Now, you've convinced yourself that you got your 'swag' back. You do the typical walk through the club with your awkward bouncing and acting like whatever song is on is your favorite to get any type of female eye contact you can muster and prolonging your 'arrival'. After that failed attempt at exposure, you look to your cast mates and suggest a round of drinks.

So now you make your way to the overly crowded bar. Push and shove your way to the front and pay another $50-$60 bucks for a round of drinks. You guys take a couple sips and it's back to for another walk thru. Again, getting no results. Now at this point, your drinks are gone and you've gotten no bites on your bait. Suggestion. ANOTHER ROUND OF DRINKS! Back to the bar you go, THIS time you guys decided to go ahead and get a shot as well. Can't get courage without courage juice! So fork over another $90 bucks for a round of drinks and shots.



At this point, it's starting to get kind of packed in the club and if you're going to make a move, it's gotta be now. Crunch time. And you have finally added enough 'crunk juice' to hit the only place you'll probably get any type of attention; the dance floor. And it's HILARIOUS and SAD at the same time how this next portion works. But you dance in a circle with your buddies, doing the traditional 2-step. And occasionally you'll flash a stupid ass looking smile at any chick that looks your way. If that doesn't get the job done, you'll go up to a chick who you've been watching for the past 20 minutes who's dancing with her girls and sneak up behind her and begin to bump your pelvis against her butt. And if she DOESN"T turn around with disgust and/or walk away, you've successfully made contact. But you're not in the clear yet, because her friend is in front of her urging her to 'hurry up' because she's just the type of friend who can't stand when her overly mediocre friend dances with more overly mediocre guys than she. So your best chance of scoring has now been pulled away from you and lost in the sea of club-goers. And you feel bad, even though you've only seen the back of her big ass head and grabbed her hips for a millisecond. But for that brief moment...you found action. You won. you did it.

Lights flash. Last call. Desperation time. Now, it's like you're at the drive-thru at popeyes hoping for anything with a breast and a leg. But you don't even get that. 'Cause the premiums have already left and you're looking at the bottom of the barrels. And to add irony to it, one of your boys has all of a sudden gotten 'over it' and now wants to go home so he can call his girlfriend he forgot he had when he was talking about banging a new chick earlier that night.

Eventually you leave, shirts wrinkled and untucked, smelling like tequila, sweat, and what used to be cologne, and walk way back down to your car. Another one of your boys offers some last minute evaluation saying "the girls in there weren't even that tight!" And you all try to believe that bulls***. You guys pile in the car and turn it on and realize that the music is up WAY to high and you wonder how in the f***k you were listening to it that loud in the first place. But the passenger turns down the music and you guys ride home in silence. Defeated. Game Over. You lose.

And while lying in your bed that night, you suddenly realize that you spent way to much money on some watered down drinks, the DJ played the same damn singles that you're tired of hearing on the radio, and you've got to go to Church in the morning. But there's always next week. You'll get another shot at the champ next week. Just get through that work week and it can all be yours.

Moral of the story. Change your reasoning for going out. Going out with your friends just to dance and have a couple of drinks and fellowship: Great. Going out and searching for something you can pump in the next 48 hours: Creepy.

JL

"I hit the club with a b-boy stance, the club owner like...
who the f*** is that."
-Dolla

About Me

Just a guy trying to put his stamp on the world. Everything else you need to know about me, will probably be in this blog.